Mother's Day - Don't Forget To Say Thank You

The older I get, the more and more thankful I become of who my mother is. She to me, is a remarkable person. A person I will miss very much when she is gone should she leave this earth before I do.

We all live in a day in time where we work 10,11, sometimes 12 hours a day. Tack on the daily commute of getting to and from work and there is another 10-15 hours per week. Extra time these days is a thing of the past. We live in a "need it now" society.

Having said that, with Mother's Day approaching this weekend, I wanted to set some time aside for MY mother who I love dearly. Mom, this one's for you. I love you!

My mom was 16 years old when I was born. A situation that didn't set too well for her mother and my beloved Grandmother. My mom grew up an only child with expectations from her parents that nobody could achieve. So high of expectations that she didn't even dare put them on me when I was growing up because she already knew they were unobtainable. With mom's parents being Church of Christ, and my father's parents being Church of God, mom did what others expected her to do, and that was to marry my father. As abusive as my father was to my mom, she stuck with it. She was 16. What's a 16 year old girl who just gave up drill team captain to do other than stick with it. Her parents were not too pleased at the circumstances that their daughter had put them in. It was embarrassing to them. You weren't supposed to get pregnant at 16 in the minds of her parents. Very inconvenient to their life style, the family, and their friends. My mom under went pressure that I can't even imagine being put under. Abortion and adoption not an option for her. She wanted to do what she thought was the right thing, have her baby and marry the father. A decision that most adults can't make in today's day in time. As time went on, the physical abuse and fighting that was brought on by my father was too much for my mom to deal with. Yet another teenage decision was facing her. Stay just for the fact there was a child involved, or save her life and leave? Stay and possibly end up killing my father out of hatred, or do what she thought was best at the time and leave?

The very unfortunate thing about having to make this decision was that her parents didn't have her back. Nor did my father's parents. Back then, folks lived in a time where domestic and spousal abuse was not talked about. It was not a topic you talked about, much less have a "hot line" one could call to get help. Back then, you were just stuck. Despite all of the outside pressure to stay, mom left. I was 2 years old. Due to threats from her own parents, threats of getting a lawyer and making damn sure I would never see my mother again, she left me with my father. A man who I myself, would leave when I turned 13 years old.

Looking back, mom's decision to leave me with my dad was probably the best decision she would ever make in her life. A decision that I know didn't come easy for her. Whatever God she was praying to during that time, He was listening. Little did she know the decision she made then, would end up enriching both of our lives years down the road. She ended up remarrying. She ended up marrying the man who I now consider my dad. Big difference in "father" and "dad". Any boy can be a father, it takes a real man to be a dad. To this day, they are still married. Growing up, the three of us had so much fun together and so many good times together. From our trips to Austin Texas and San Marcos Texas, to our vacations in California, we had some damn good times together. Memories that I hope will stick with me until I take my last breath.

My fondest memory of my mother came not too long ago. In 2004, I made a decision to up and move to Louisville Kentucky. A decision that just came out of the blue, but one that needed to be made. At that point in my life, I was going through a divorce that included my own step-children. I wanted to do for them, what was done for me when my mother married my wonderful step-dad. Bad idea on my part. Didn't quiet work out the way I had it planned in my head. So in 2004, I thought the best thing for me and the kids, was for me to distance myself as far away from the situation as I possibly could. 850 miles away was Louisville Kentucky. On Feb. 16th, 2004, I did one of the hardest things for me to do. Look my mother in the eye and tell her that her only child was moving 850 miles away. Not knowing what was facing me in the days to come, I didn't know if I was hugging my mother for the very last time or not. One things for sure though, she understood and some how, she knew I needed to do this for myself.

I don't know where my mom got this "understanding" attitude she has, but as her only child, I appreciate it. I moved to Louisville with no job, no place to live, and no family. I quickly befriended a person who I guess, looking back on it, was my guardian angel. Todd is his name and he quickly became my best friend. I met him within the first week I was in Louisville so I guess that was part of God's plan as well. Over the next couple of years, mom took Todd in as her "second son". Knowing full well that he was the chosen one to look after me and to look over her only child.

Six months into my move, I had taken a job just to have a job. It was still in the same industry that I had just left in Dallas, but it was a job at the bottom of the ladder and the bottom of the pay scale. I had to do what I had to do. My car ended up getting repossessed and for the next year and a half, I either took the bus to work or I walked. Never missing a day of work. For the next year and a half, I either ate tomato sandwiches or the Ranch Style Beans and hot sauce that mom would send me in her "care packages" she would send me from time to time. Upon moving to Louisville, I found out rather quickly that they didn't sell Ranch Style Beans or El Fenix hot sauce up there so mom would mail it to me from time to time. All along not knowing that there were times that this is all I had to eat for the week.

After figuring out that I wasn't coming back anytime soon, mom made her first trip up to Louisville for a visit. Doing the motherly thing, she wanted to "check" out things. Make sure I was okay. Meet the people I was hanging around. You know, mom stuff. When she first got into town, she asked me where my car was. Not knowing that it had been repossessed, I told her that I had been keeping it at Todd's house. This wasn't a lie. ( I had been keeping it at Todd's house. The bank had been calling me and I knew what was coming. So on the weekends, I would park it at Todds.) Mom would never question it again and I would never bring it up again. At least for now.

Mom's first visit to Louisville was such a fun one for me. She saw my apartment and saw that all I had was a blow up mattress and a fold out chair. Both given to me by Todd. I didn't even have a t.v. Didn't need one. I had my trusted a.m. radio and my John Grisham books. Life was good! Mom didn't take to this too kindly so being a woman and a bargain shopper, she immediately asked where the closest Target and Wal-Mart were. Kenneth was about to get some stuff for his apartment!!

When mom left for Dallas, I had an entertainment system, a 19" color t.v., two chairs, a microwave, coffee maker, coffee table, lamps,...etc. I felt like I had just left the set of The Price Is Right!! She had a budget and it wasn't primo stuff, but you know what, it sure as hell beat a blow up mattress and a fold out chair!! Mom left having a little bit of "peace of mind". She had met my friends for the first time, she knew I was no longer sleeping on the floor and I could now watch the Indianapolis Colts versus listening to them coming through a stat-icky old radio. My entertainment system was $12 worth of milk crates that we had turned on their sides. We laughed quite a few times over that one.

Another year and half would go by. Over that time, I had worked so hard to move back up the ladder at work. Proving to the folks in Louisville what I had already proven in Dallas. It finally paid off. I was now back in the pay bracket that I had been accustomed to. It was then, and only then, almost 2 years after the fact, that I come clean with mom in regards to my car and what my situation really was. I told her about the countless walks I made across the 2nd Street Bridge that crosses over the Ohio River just to get to work and back.

She was a little taken back, but she had her suspensions that something was up. You see, mom herself is an only child. In March of 2003, the good Lord called upon my grandmother to come and join Him. Leaving my mom the duty of taking care of my grandfather. Knowing that her hands were full by taking care of my grandfather all alone, keeping her home in tact, maintaining a full-time job, the very last thing she needed to worry about was me. I was okay. I had a roof over my head. I had a job. Plus, I had surrounded myself with people that actually cared for me. I was 850 miles away from mom, she didn't need the stress of worrying about me.

I am now back in the Dallas area. Closer in miles to my family. Although I don't nearly spend the time with them I would like to, it's still very comforting knowing I can now get in a car and drive to their house versus having to save up for a plane ticket home.

To this day, I really don't understand where my mother gets her strength. She is a very strong willed woman. I admire that in her. I at one time, was very good about running from my problems. Out of sight, out of mind. I'm still a little bit like that, but the older I get, the more like my mother I think I become.

I will never in my life time be able to repay my mom for what she has done for me. Both psychologically and financially. She and my "dad" now have a Harley that they ride and take trips together on. It's her way of letting her mind go. Re-grouping for what the following Monday will bring. She and I just emailed one another yesterday trying to make plans for Mother's Day. I don't live real close to her, but I live half way between her and where my grandmother is buried. We decided on a little hamburger joint not far from where we will be going to pay our respects to our beloved Francine.

After deciding on the hamburger joint, I said to mom, "..how white trash is that? Eating at a hamburger joint for Mother's Day". Her response to me was, "...Kenneth, it's not where we eat, it's the time we spend together that matters the most."

How true that is. How very true that is. God has not blessed me yet with kids of my own. But when he does, if I can do half of good as job that mom has done with me, my kid will be okay too!

Mom, I love you dearly. The anger that I once possessed when I was a child over you leaving has turned into nothing but love and understanding for you as an adult. I thank you.

Your son,

Kenneth

(P.S. - two songs I will never forget, Send In The Clowns by Judy Collins and OUR song, Colour My World by Chicago)